


Edd No Regrets

by orphan_account



Category: Ed Edd n Eddy
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-25
Updated: 2013-07-25
Packaged: 2017-12-21 08:11:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/897971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his first kiss with Kevin, Edd recounts his true first kiss, and the unfortunate events that surrounded it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Edd No Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> This occurs several weeks before the events of Kissing in the Edd.

Despite what Kevin might have thought, Edd had in fact been kissed before, though it would have been more accurate to say that Edd had done the kissing. It was several weeks prior to the rainstorm, long before Edd could even fathom Kevin’s lips upon his, and Eddy had been desperate for a scheme. His parents had totally cut off his allowance due to an “accident" which left every tree on their side of the neighborhood partially uprooted, and though he had shrugged off their punishment as “nothing special", several days later he was beginning to understand just what that meant for him—no jawbreakers, no comics, nothing. It was terribly selfish, really, but what was Eddy but a creature driven by the grand ideals of capitalism? Edd had agreed to assist him, and Ed by proxy accompanied them, and the three boys sat beneath one of the few remaining trees on the block, racking their brains for the perfect scam.

"Come on, Double D! You’ve gotta have something crammed up in that sock-hat of yours, right?" Edd shook his head sadly, hands folded in his lap primly.

"Now, now, Eddy. You know very well that I am not the scheming type, merely the engineer of your designs. Though, I suppose I have been contemplating something—Eddy?" But Eddy’s eyes were fixed on Nazz and Sarah, who were both huddled around a laptop, giggling madly while Jimmy peeked through his fingers, cheeks flushed to a cotton candy pink. “What do you suppose has them so enthused, Eddy?"

"I dunno, but I’m gonna find out. There’s gotta be some profit in it somewhere!" Edd followed, with Ed close behind, chuckling to himself. The three peered over Nazz’s shoulder carefully, so as not to arouse suspicion, and what they saw stopped them in their tracks. On the screen, a pair of boys—one tan and dark-haired, the other pale and heavily freckled—were kissing each other deeply, their fingers tangled in each other’s hair and scrabbling at their shoulders. One of them was only half-dressed; his shirt had been thrown haphazardly behind him, and it hung on the bedpost. The freckled boy let out a small moan as his partner nuzzled into his neck, whispering words that Edd could not quite make out. 

"O-oh my…" Edd murmured to himself, feeling a strange stirring between his legs and trying his very best to disregard it.

"Sarah, I feel so alive!" He whispered, pushing his fluffy hair away from his face, eyes as wide as dinner plates. Nazz’s lip was caught between her teeth; even she couldn’t be bothered with dealing with them at the moment. 

"That’s it!" Eddy exclaimed, pumping his fist in the air, and Sarah turned, glaring dangerously.

"Excuuuuuuse me, Eddy. We are BUSY!" She turned to her brother and pointed toward their house. “ED! Take your dumb friends OUT OF HERE!" Jimmy, usually disturbed by Eddy’s raucous behavior, was somehow unaffected.

"Yes, sweet sister, recipient of my love and terror!" Ed grabbed Edd and Eddy by their shirts and dragged them away, Eddy continuing to rant all the way back to their tree. 

"Eddy, what on earth has you so worked up?" What on earth has ME so worked up? Edd asked himself, squirming uncomfortably as he sat down.

"Listen, those girls were going wacko over those dudes mackin’ on each other! Hell, even Jimmy was in on it! Double D, if they’ll watch it online for free, who knows what they’ll pay to see it live?" Edd floundered, shaking his head furiously.

"Noooow, Eddy, where on earth are you going to find two willing men to—wait a moment, Eddy. No, I know what you are thinking, and I refuse to participate in such a vulgar display of—and for MONEY! Think of what our parents would do if—" Eddy’s grin only stretched wider.

"But think of the money we’ll make if they don’t." His beady eyes glinted with mischievous glee, and Edd twiddled his thumbs in his lap. The prospect was likely to be one of the most profitable in Eddy’s history of scamming, but he knew that such an endeavor was morally ambiguous at best. Yet…he found himself oddly intrigued by the idea of kissing another man, even if it was merely for profit. Of course, there was one man in particular he would have favored, but such things were beyond the realms of possibility.  

"I suppose you're right...but say they inform our parents when it is all said and done? Surely we will be punished severely." Eddy scoffed, waving Edd's concern away with a flippant hand.

"Puh-leez, Double D. What are they gonna do, take our money? That’s what’s important here—the dough." Eddy grimaced, crossing his arms. “You think I’d kiss you for anything less?" Edd’s chest tightened for a moment; that had hurt him more than he had expected, but it couldn’t be helped. Naturally, Eddy was more interested in the female sex, as he had made abundantly clear through his hapless pursuit of Nazz's affections, and Edd was by no means intending to challenge that. Nevertheless, having his  _own_  reduced to a means for profit seemed terribly callous. He sighed resignedly, straightening his hat.

"Very well, Eddy. This plan will do." Eddy snickered and went into greater detail, explaining to Edd exactly what needed to be done while Ed struck up a conversation with an anthill nearby. 

Several days later, the plan went into motion. A moderately-sized construction of cardboard, shaped to resemble a computer complete with monitor, speakers and even a desk, appeared in the center of the cul-de-sac. On the corner of the makeshift desk sat the telltale jar, marked with the words “Feature Film - .50 per Viewing". Beneath the boxes Eddy and Edd sat together in the half-light, waiting for the signal—the clink of metal on glass. Eddy had actually cleaned himself up quite well: he had brushed his hair away from his face and changed his clothes to a neatly-starched dress shirt and corduroys, and his whiskers, which had started sprouting sometime after his fourteenth birthday, were shorn away. For the moment, Eddy was almost handsome, but perhaps that was because Edd knew him so well. Edd himself had done much the same, but he could not bear to remove his hat, despite the effect it had on the supposed ‘realism’ of their performance.  

"Eddy, erm…are you absolutely sure you wish to go through with this?" Eddy screwed his face up into a look of exaggerated determination.

"We HAVE to, Edd. This is our chance to make the big bucks!" Edd gnawed at his lip nervously, pulling at a loose string poking up from his trousers.

"True as that may be, Eddy, the ramifications of such behavior on our friendship may be—"

"Our friendship? Come on, Edd, this is just for show. It’s not gonna make any difference to me. As long as we make some cash off of this gig, there’s nothing to worry about." Edd smiled, but he was unconvinced. Something inside of him told him this plan was meant to go awry. There were too many variables, too many things about himself that he didn't understand...

Minutes turned to hours, and still not a single quarter dropped into their jar. Eddy was growing restless, grumbling to himself about how foolproof his plan had been, that Sarah and Nazz must have done something to thwart him. Edd, on the other hand, sat quietly, occasionally looking up at Eddy and chuckling half-heartedly at his angry harping. It had grown quite hot in their hideout, and both Edd and Eddy had sweated through their shirts. Edd felt the strange discomfort from the other day return, after a while, and he was unsure of how to respond, other than shift his weight from one buttock to the other and hope that Eddy didn’t notice that his pants had suddenly grown tighter.

"Edd, you okay?" Eddy finally asked, hands on his hips. Edd suspected that Eddy's inquiry was based more upon his own displeasure more than anything else. “Look, nobody’s gonna show up, we might as well get going." Before Eddy could move to push the boxes away, Edd reached out and grabbed him by the sleeve. His curiosity was too great, the uncomfortable ache in his chest--and, to his embarrassment, his nether regions--too overwhelming. He had to know, and if he did not pursue that knowledge now, he may never get the chance again.

"Eddy…er, forgive me for this but…" Edd felt his heart pound in his chest, heard it beat a staccato rhythm in his ears, as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Eddy’s. They tasted of sweat and the lemon candy that Eddy had been popping into his mouth intermittently between his rants. Edd had no clue what to do from there, but Eddy seemed to, for he grabbed Edd by the front of his damp shirt and pushed back, his lips sliding gracelessly against Edd’s mouth. Their teeth clicked together as Edd braced himself on Eddy’s knees with his hands, until finally Eddy pulled away, shaking and eyes wide as if he had been overcome by something strange and foreign.

"I, uh…look, that didn’t happen, okay?" Edd blinked dumbly, mouth slightly agape and still tingling with the taste of lemons.

"Eddy…" Before he could say any more, Eddy ducked from beneath the cardboard apparatus and ran off in some unknown direction, leaving Edd alone on the warm tarmac. He laid his head down upon it, for once unafraid of germs or dirt, and let the heat of it radiate through his body, for suddenly, he felt terribly cold. He closed his eyes, let the hot tears well up in the corners, his lip quivering gently. What had he expected, really? Why had he attempted something so foolhardy, so pointless, in the first place? Eddy was certainly not the man he wanted, nor was Edd remotely of interest to him, and yet…he had found himself desperate to reach out, to be accepted. He should not have been surprised to find he had failed.

He must have fallen asleep, for he was jolted suddenly awake by Ed overturning the entire stack of cardboard boxes and yelling into his ear “Double D! I have found you!" He reached down and picked Edd up bodily, hugging him until his back popped audibly. “I feared that you had been taken by the Zombie Pipe Cleaners From Beneath the Amazon!" Edd blearily smiled, patting Ed on the shoulder.

"No, no, Ed. I am fine, thank you. Just...if you would put me down, I would very much appreciate it." Ed did so, grinning with his usual mad glee. Edd wondered if, perhaps, kissing Ed might have been a safer option. Surely he would not have pushed him away so cruelly.

"ED! Get your sorry ass in here before I tell Mom!" Sarah's voice echoed into the night, and Ed ran off in her direction.

"Coming, my beloved dread sibling!" Edd watched him disappear down the street, the sun setting behind him. He looked out into it, watching the colors shift ever-so-slightly, and wondered what would come next. Fear nestled itself at the pit of his stomach, for he was sure that Eddy would never speak to him again, and the loss of his dear friend terrified him. As he watched the sun sink lower and lower, he did not notice Kevin pedal by, glance back at Edd alone in the center of the cul-de-sac, the many hues reflecting and refracting off of his searching eyes. Neither did he notice his wan smile, the gentle shake of his head, as he rode away.


End file.
